PUBLICATION: The Plain Dealer
DATE: November 23, 1998
SECTION: National; Pg. 2A
BYLINE: Dick Feagler
DATELINE: Barberton, Ohio

The Plain Dealer published an editorial urging readers to move to Barberton, Ohio, to get some peace and quiet now that the town has passed a law authorizing the confiscation of car stereo equipment and vehicles from repeated noise offenders.

According to the article, Barberton got tired of the "thud-thud-thud of car-mounted boom boxes" driven through the streets by young residents. So the City Council recently passed a law that authorized the cops to confiscate the stereo equipment of noise offenders. If the noise offenders commit a second offense, the police now have the power to confiscate the speakers and the car they rode in on. "It started as a grassroots movement," Law Director Greg Macko told me. "Enough citizens got annoyed enough that they pushed the measure through council. It gave us the ability to declare the stereo equipment and even the vehicle as contraband."

The article states it's probably more accurate to label boom boxes "contraband of war," which Webster's Dictionary defines as "war material, as ammunition or weapons, which, by international law, may be rightfully seized by either belligerent when shipped to the other one ...." In the culture wars, rock 'n' roll music qualifies as war material as an assault weapon It is a fact, documented in the annals of warfare. During the Panama invasion, Manuel Noriega, Panama's leader, eluded American troops and took refuge in an embassy safe house. There seemed no diplomatic way to get him out until someone got the idea of surrounding the house with loudspeakers and bombarding Noriega's nerves with rock 'n' roll. Noriega just couldn't stand it and surrendered.

The editorial goes on to say the invention of the Sony Walkman should have freed us from the tyranny of second-hand noise. But most American youths rejected the Walkman. "In our culture of narcissism, making noise is no fun if nobody knows you are making it. It's much more ego-gratifying to slip behind the wheel of a thud-equipped assault vehicle and cruise the streets at night, making windows rattle and dogs bark." Barberton is not a theater of war and doesn't want to sound like one. "As far as I know, we haven't confiscated anybody's car or pickup truck yet," Law Director Macko said. "And if we do, some rights organization will probably challenge us and make a test case out of it." When that occurs, the writer says Barberton can count on him. "I will be in Barberton's corner, urging that the thud law be preserved and even strengthened. Barberton, here's three subdued cheers for you. Now, how about leaf-blowers?"